He gives me ultimatumsabout our relationship,
he ask me questions
to which I have no answers.
He wants absolutes,
but this situation isn't black and white,
it is many shades of gray,
and now he is hurting,
and I'm the reason?
I think I'm supposed to fix it,
but how the fuck
am I supposed to do that,
when it takes all I've got
just to breathe.
I opened this doorway,
this pandoras box of secrets,
and now all the blackness is escaping
into the open,
into me,
and I'm responsible.
I'm trying to grasp air
and it eludes me.
I can't put it back in the box,
all this painful mess.
So the only thing
I can do, is allow it to escape,
into the air,
into the light,
into the void,
and hope it lands
someplace safe.
Sabine 1/16/09 (Cherie)
No ultimatums for you. I shouldn't have said anything. You are not the reason for my hurting. What I did to you those years ago is the cause of my pain because of what it has cost you, and me, and us. I pray every minute of every day that the cost is not too great. I pray that we do find our safe place. I pray it is together. I love you and hope you can forgive me.
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